The saying is that hindsight is 20/20. I wish my present point of view was similarly clear.
I have walked with Him just long enough now to know He is doing something.
He is good, His plan is the best, His ways are perfect, and I need to trust Him, even when I fall to my knees and cry out, Lord, why?
The Lord is hilarious sometimes.
I’m sure I’ll look back at this and think it was funny that I was upset.
It seems like a punishment today, only in a week or in a year or twenty or in heaven, I will see what the Lord is merciful to keep me from today.
It seems like my worst fear confirmed, only to have God show me placing my idol of expectation above His plan for my life, giving Him reign over my life only so far as it falls in line with my own hopes and dreams. He is bigger than any box I could put Him in.
It seems like a confirmation of my unlovable nature, that my friendships are out of convenience or obligation rather than genuine love for who I am, only to have God remind me I am not on this earth for human love, but for His love, and I already have that.
It seems like He is far, only to feel Him beside me, drawing near as a turn to Him.
It seems like another in a long line of rejections, but God, you are Better, Your acceptance is all that matters.
Because I know this, today I am surrendered to the Lord, and the Holy Spirit was gracious enough to remind me that my Father never gives a stone instead of bread to His children.
This one simple door seems like it shut 4 more doors, but in reality the Lord always has a way to accomplish what He wants, and I want His will to be done in all things.
Things seem one way, but the Kingdom of Heaven is upside down – even in the disappointment and circumstances that pale in light of eternity, the Lord is working for His glory and for my good.
So today, I ask for guidance from the Lord.
I thought this one path satisfied a variety of things I thought the Lord wanted for my life – connection instead of isolation, better financial stewardship, use of my gifts to love the neighborhood, and a more surrendered heart to Him as I enter a season of unknown.
You know what? He is preparing me every day for that future.
As per usual, His reality will look better than any imitation I could’ve dreamed up.
My hope was never in that future, but in the Lord alone.
Last week I iterated to my community group that I wanted to go to God in prayer and His Word for wisdom and processing instead of bringing in other flawed humans with additional emotion or justifying prolonged frustration. I am not very good at keeping things like this to myself.
Today, I did that. He gave me peace and perspective. He still has not guided me towards which path is next, but for today, knowing He is trustworthy, good, and sovereign is more than enough.
I am putting it in His hands.